November 22, 2010 at 11:27 am (general life, Writing Ranting)

Hello hello.

This morning I weighed in at 80.2 kilos, so with one week left of my six weeks without chocolate, things are looking good (I’ve lost 6.4 kilos). I’m desperately hungry, lethargic, and faint – but there’s a very good chance I’ll be back in the healthy weight range by the end of the year (yes, despite Christmas).

In the last couple of weeks I’ve received two rejections with comments from two different small publishers. It’s very rare to get comments (from Publisher F especially, who was the first) so that’s both useful and encouraging (without actually being technically useful at all).

Tomorrow marks two months exactly since Publisher B (the one who’s had one of my books for a year, and another for a year and a half) said they’d sent my books to an independent reader. Who knows? They might reply.

Without chocolate, my day-to-day goal has been to simply survive – do my work, pass the hours until another day has gone, and try real hard not to have a psychotic attack (I lost my head twice, and on one of those occasions broke our car door).

I’ve done very little writing, and barely missed it. So I wander down a familiar philosophical path, trying to figure out a way to quit writing once and for all. I think it’s theoretically possible, except what do I have left to get up for? TV can’t keep me awake forever, and I’m not able to do more than three hours of real work in a day.

I’m not the type of person who bases their entire life around a spouse – so that’s not an option either. And I know chocolate doesn’t really satisfy, no matter how much I eat.

So I’ll keep writing. May as well.

I’m about to enter a free competition with a $20,000 prize. It seems pathetic to even bother entering, but maybe I can meditate on the role luck plays in publishing until I think I actually have a shot.

Go team?


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