March 3, 2010 at 3:33 pm (general life, Mental illness)

2am. Can’t sleep. Random blogliness ensues.

There’s much gratuitous cuteness today at


A couple of nights ago, my cat was sitting on my husband’s chest, purring loudly as my husband snored. I slid out of bed and crept around to the other side to get his iphone to record them both. My attempt was foiled when my partner woke up and helpfully passed me his flashlight.


I have to take another 21 anti-parasite pills. It’s at the point now where I’m pretty sure the pills are worse than what’s left of my giardia. They leave a permanent bad taste in my mouth (sore throat, too) as if I’ve just thrown up. It vanishes for about five minutes after I eat, then reappears.


My husband and efficiency don’t get along, so I’m attempting to write a sort of will – more a set of instructions for if I suddenly die (stuff like the phone numbers of all my students so someone actually tells them why I don’t show up). If he dies, it’s a lot simpler for me, because I AM efficient. All I need to do is:

1. Get his insurance money to pay for the funeral. Register for the dole to pay for rent and food.

2. Throw stuff away (mostly his) and move somewhere smaller.

3. Take happy pills and/or avoid human contact.

I wish I knew the statistics for how often spouses drop dead/are killed in the first, say, ten years of marriage. Pretty sure rational data would help dissipate my conviction that SOMETHING bad has to be about to happen. My marriage really is the easiest thing about my life.


Avocados: so delicious, but so risky. Does buying a rock-hard avocado EVER result in an edible avocado? I think not.


World’s most terrifying slogan (for Kresta blinds):

Windows come ALIVE!


Wish I could sleep. This is silly.


Mental illness is a lot like PMS, plus having a vital assignment due at 5pm, and also being naked.

It’s all about incoherant rage, a sense of doom (and guilt), and humiliation.

It’s also a lot like being a teenager (is there any experience more horrifying?) or being old (when suddenly you can’t do things you used to be able to do).

Still can’t quite convince myself I’m not making the whole thing up. What kind of s*** would that make me, after all these years?

It’s just so. . . stupid. I should be able to walk it off.


On Monday I made oat cookies with brown sugar, butter, flour, oats, cinnamon and vanilla. The raw mixture was infinitely better than the biscuits. Why is that always the case?

Luckily I mostly just ate the mixture.


Yesterday I had a D and M with a student about boys. She’s stunningly gorgeous, but doesn’t want to get into a relationship until she’s well into a degree. That was cool. Especially finding out people actually still say, “D and M”. Wow.


I wish I was friends with Queen Elizabeth, so she could tell me how to sell my writing. I think she might be the greatest self-promoter ever.


Pretty sure that if I just go into cryogenic suspension, one of my books will be published.

But not completely sure. Got to keep writing more better-er while I wait.


1 Comment

  1. Ann said,

    No. Rock hard avocados never ripen properly. You should buy them still firm, but when you press gently on whats left of the stem you get a bit of give. This is the first part of the avocado to ripen and once its started, it will continue. The very bottom is the last bit to ripen, so if you want to eat it right now, then get one thats a touch soft there……..

    Does that help?

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