Superstition

August 17, 2009 at 3:37 am (Mental illness)

I hate praying for things, because I’m always startled (and hurt) when prayers aren’t answered. Also I cry a lot when I pray (and also swear a lot, but that’s another story).

Perhaps the difference between faith and superstition is that faith is calm. (I’m not calm.)

Church is often difficult to endure, because there’s a lot of people and a lot of emotions. Yesterday was an especially bad day. I sat in the car crying, hoping that if I sat very still no-one would notice I was there.

Every so often with my writing, I get to a point where I think I can’t endure another day. Unfortunately, my storytelling nature immediately concludes that I won’t have to – I’ve reached the critical moment of my autobiography, and everything’s about to get good.

Yesterday was one of those days. I know life doesn’t work that way – apart from anything else, I’ve endured many years beyond what I thought was my maximum – but I still felt sure Harper Collins was about to call me (on a Sunday afternoon) and say, “It’s brilliant! Sublime! I’ve made an executive decision to publish every snivelling line you’ve ever written!” Even though I knew better, and was mostly annoyed at the whole sensation.

Did I mention almost 50% of writers are mentally ill?

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1 Comment

  1. Paige said,

    Prayers are answered, maybe not the way we think they shoul be. God will always do what is best for us wether we like it or not. It may take minutes to hours for us to see the reasoning if ever but He does answer.

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