Fifty grams

July 10, 2009 at 5:25 am (Mental illness)

I have a problem. I often eat chocolate and lollies until I’m on the verge of throwing up – and then I keep going, consciously maintaining a state of nausea for hours. I’ll often eat about 250 grams of chocolate plus another 200 grams of lollies in a single day.

In a shocking twist, I’m gaining weight.

On the up side, I exercise three or four times a week – most commonly swimming a kilometre – so that helps. And the SO and I just acquired an exercise bike, which means I can exercise without facing humanity at all (a very valuable thing).

On the down side, if I don’t eat chocolate, I tend to lose the will to live – unfortunately, I do mean that literally (although it has been getting better lately – now it takes me a few days to get to that point).

Since I married in January, I’ve tried several times to get myself back under control – I tend to lose two kilos, then gain three immediately afterwards.

So, new plan: fifty grams of chocolate a day (or 100 of lollies) for fifty days. Starting today.

The thing that’s good is that I can still binge (in fact I HAVE to) – I just need to “save up” my grams day by day before (or after) I spend them. I’m also allowed to eat anything at meals – pancakes, fish and chips, whatever. And I can eat healthy snacks – nuts, corn thins, diet soft drinks (mmm…colouring) as much as I like. And alcohol (including sugary stuff) doesn’t count as long as it’s AFTER all my driving for the day is done, and it’s under one drink an hour.

At present I weigh 74.8kilos, which is JUST within the healthy weight range for my towering heights. My personal weight range (without actually dieting or even cutting out chocolate from what I eat) is 65-70 kilos. So it should be quite easy to get back in the 60s within fifty days.  Which hopefully would bolster my sense of fitness, and thus lessen the need to binge – plus fifty days is long enough to change lifestyle habits.

We’ll see.

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7 Comments

  1. felicitybloomfield said,

    It’s the evening of day two of my fifty-gram challenge. So far I’ve had about forty grams, which means I’ve saved up enough to eat over 100 grams tomorrow – or continue saving (I know the “lunar” nature of my body very well, and the next two easy weeks will be followed by two difficult weeks).

    Have eaten a lot of nuts, several weight watchers chocolate milks (another freebie in my bizarro system), etc – and already lost weight (in a day). My aim is to lose about .1 of a kilo per day on average, so I’m already ahead (as expected).

    Feeling a little homicidal, but otherwise okay. I survived a party today, which is very impressive (an acoustic guitar helped a lot – I play just well enough to amuse myself for an hour or two. I “binged” on that and actually have three blisters on my fingers). I now have enough diet-space for a low-level binge (about 100 grams of chocolate satisfies very well – a high-level binge involves nausea).

    I think my plan just might be genius. I’m still VERY grumpy, but I can put myself in a good mood for about an hour with only 20 or so grams (like all drugs, chocolate is more effective when you eat less). That’s a crucial bit of help. Plus, each time I want to eat something bad I have the option of nuts, or weight watchers chocolate milk, etc. It gives me somewhere to go.

    Felicity

  2. Ann said,

    you know – I am sure that the stuopid BMI thing is totally useless……. it tells me that I have to lose another 10 (seriously!!!! 10????????) kilos to reach the top of my healthy weight range……

    You’ve got to be kidding…… the last time I weighted that much I was 12…….. and had no hips, no boobs and was a skinny little rake……….

    Hun – last time I saw you, you were looking great…… and I know that your weight is one of your ‘things’ but still, BMI is so totally unrespionsive to the natural difference between people….. according to it, EVERY SINGLE AUSTRALIAN OLYMPIC SWIMMER is happily borderline obese!!!!!!!!!!!

    Good luck with the chocolate diet though…….. and i know that you’ll get where you want to – you always do eventually!

    A

    • FelicityBloomfield said,

      It’s day 4 today and I have lost .4 of a kilo (bang on schedule – probably would be a lot better if I wasn’t eating so many pancakes). Binged last night and today – but only mini-binges. I could technically eat about 10 more grams today and still not be ahead of myself.

      I’m at the tail-end of an unusually hideous cold, so I guess I’m doing well.

      Olympians have muscles, which weigh more than fat. My family is naturally thinner than the average, so me and my chocolate are fond of the BMI (since it works to our advantage).

      Felicity

  3. Ann said,

    Whoo hoo!!!!! It is always nice to see the scales go down……… Which reminds me – I need to buy some one day.

    Just beware – if you start to resemble a stick insect instead of a beautiful woman, then I am going to say something!

    Ann

  4. felicitybloomfield said,

    Yesterday I was forced to indulge in unusually high levels of “scale aerobics” to get that thing to say what I wanted it to say. Today I made a new attempt, and was pleased to get it to say 74.3 after only a few tries. Hopefully that means the next time the scales anger me I won’t be so upset – at least not until after twenty-four hours have passed.

    (Before we married, my SO would enjoy descriptions of the methods I use to keep myself encouraged weight-wise until reality caught up. Coz what’s not attractive about a naked lady wobbling frantically on half a foot? Nowadays he just pauses appreciatively as I wander naked and scowling around the house in the morning.)

  5. Ann said,

    I love that image, I it works so well with how I feel in the morning – I need to live with an SO (rather than random flatmate) so I can wander around in the morning naked and scowling!!!!!!!!!

    Ann

  6. felicitybloomfield said,

    Yeah, with one noticeable exception*, none of my flatmates have appreciated nudity.

    *My 70-year old Chinese stalker. Strange but true. She was also topless in the living room one time.

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